A Funny Man

I interviewed Charlie Murphy in anticipation of his March 5th performance here in Portland. Our local weekly was kind enough to run part of our conversation as their ‘Headout’ section lead.

Like many people in show business, he was a bit difficult to talk to because he’s pushing forward his agenda, hitting his usual talking points, etc. On top of that, he has a gruff, bullish attitude. As a result, there’s some fluff in here. If I could do it over again I would dwell longer on the creative process with him, as I’ve taken a keen interest in the production of storytelling.

Speaking of hindsight – looking back over this interview now, after the show, I feel a little silly for getting as excited as I was about it. He wasn’t great; he covered some of the same old material from years ago, talked about Gary Coleman and the internet (tired topics), and made a really ignorant joke about AIDS. While I have never held him to a high intellectual or moral standard, it was still disappointing to hear him tell weak jokes and rely on the same sort of misogynistic/homophobic garbage that his brother trotted out in the ’80s. Sort of the antithesis of his angle he cops in the interview.

Either way, here it is:

CM: What’s poppin’?

WW: You know, lovin’ it – sun’s out. It’s very odd out here in Portland to have some sun in the middle of February.

CM: Especially when I’m in San Jose, California, and it’s overcast. That’s what it’s like in San Jose right now, and you guys get sunshine. Wow.

WW: Really?

CM: Yeah, man. It looks like I’m in Portland!

WW: You doing one of those five-day deals down there?

CM: Five-day deals, what’s that?

WW: I looked at your tour schedule, and it seemed like in a lot of places you were doing five nights in a row.

CM: Oh, I did a school the other night – the Northern University of California – and the next one is the San Jose Improv on Sunday.

WW: How’s the tour been going?

CM: I don’t call it a tour, man. It’s work. You know when you can call it a tour? When you can make enough money in three months to not work the rest of the year. That’s a tour.

WW: So you’re clocking in.

CM: You know, Chris Rock and those guys, they go out and in six weeks they make so much money they don’t have to go back out. And they do other things, they switch off. A movie, or a TV show, or writing or producing, you know, they go into another realm. I’m trying to get my thing to that point where I can do that. [Right now] I have to do it all at the same time.

WW: The main point of this time out is to promote the new book and DVD, right?

CM: Exactly.

WW: Can you tell me what that’s called again?

CM: The DVD is called Charlie Murphy: I Will Not Apologize. I shot that in June, up in Boston. In fact, that’s my first comedy DVD, and I’m real proud of it. It was very well put together, very well written and very well executed, so it’s a good introduction for a lot of people who may have heard about Charlie Murphy doing stand-up, but never had a chance to see me do it. ‘Cause I didn’t have the vehicle of Def Comedy Jam or whatever, those things that guys do to get seen doing stand-up. I never went on Letterman, Leno, you know? So you’d hear that Charlie Murphy does stand-up, but you wouldn’t get a chance to see him do it.
Now that I got the DVD out, you can just go to Wal-Mart, pick a copy up, and see me do stand-up! It’s that simple now. So that’s a milestone in my career, as far as I’m concerned.

WW: It seems like you’re working it backwards, because other guys come up from the bottom, and you’re stepping down–

CM: Exactly, that’s exactly what happened. I started with the movies and then the TV and then the stand-up, when most guys do the stand-up and then the TV and then the movies. But with me it was this: I already was in the movies, and that was one of the things that I thought was missing from my resume. You know, I’m here, “I think I deserve the same amount as this guy,” and they’ll go, “This guy’s a bigger star than you ’cause he does this and he does that,” so now you can’t say that to me no more. You can’t say “he deserves more than you because he’s an actor and a writer and a producer,” well I’m all of that – and a stand-up comedian – I’m all of that, too, what!

WW: Dynamic.

CM: Exactly, it was a thing where, to get respect, this is what you got to do – you got to cover all the bases, and be effective in all of them. So I was glad I was able to take on the challenge and come out on top the way I have. I’m very proud of myself, and I’m very humbled by it.

WW: So, getting started in stand-up – how did that come about? Naturally, I would assume that came out of your experience on the Chappelle Show, but was there more to it than that?

CM: No, that’s exactly what it was. Before the Chappelle Show there was no opportunity. There would have been too much speculation, too much comparisons being made. Before Chappelle Show I was never featured in anything that the result was that I was perceived overwhelmingly that I was a funny guy, to the masses. Every movie I was in before that, I was the tough guy, the mean guy. Even if the movie was a comedy, someone else was supposed to be providing the laughs and then there was me, who was supposed to be providing the moment of suspense, the tension moment, you know? The mean guy shows up, starts beating guys up, whatever. And no one would ever think for a second, “maybe this guy could be funny,” because when I came into show business, I knew who my brother was, what his strength was, and what he was known for, and the biggest thing with me was, if you are going to get involved in this, you don’t want to be in a competition or to be compared to him. So, the way to do that is to – what does he not do? That’s what you want to become the best at. That way there’s no way they can go [funny voice] “oh, he came in, rode on so-and-so’s coattails and blah blah-blah,” you know? “He’s A and you’re B.” No, no, no, it’s not. Exact total opposites. Okay? So that’s the reason it ended up being backwards for me, as far as, oh, now you’re doing stand-up.

WW: You had to break out from that and establish yourself as your own man.

CM: Right.

WW: So coming out of that experience – breaking out from the Chappelle Show, and establishing Charlie Murphy as a dynamic player, how did that effect your relationship with, say, Dave or with your brother or with any other people that you were close with at the time when you were making that change?

CM: How did that effect my relationship with those guys? In a positive way, you know? They have to embrace me as one of their peers, and it’s because of my hard work. I could have easily been a dude who’s related to somebody famous who went on stage and tried to do stand-up, and he was cute, and that’s as far as it went. “He went up and did five minutes, wasn’t that cute.” Or – “He’s really serious about it, but couldn’t do it. Made a fool of himself and embarrassed his brother’s legacy,” or what have you. None of those are true in my case. And it’s because, like I said, I didn’t go into it like, “you know what, this is what you did to get a little laugh, so I’ll come out with jokes similar to yours, and act like you acted-” no, I’m not, ’cause that’s fake, that’s not you. I didn’t allow myself to do that, and the way you not even begin to allow yourself to do that is to have something to give in the first place.  There’s always somebody who – in my opinion, at the end of the day – doesn’t really have nothing of their own to serve up. That is even willing to serve up somebody else’s soup. You got a lot of pretenders and copycats out there, and what they are doing in essence is serving up somebody else’s soup. And that can’t feel good. I don’t care how hard the crowd laughs, that can’t feel good to you, because you know that at the end of the day, you stealing.

WW: Tell me about your first experiences going out there on stage. That must have been pretty tough at first, huh?

CM: Oh, it was! I wasn’t even looking at the audience, I was looking at the floor. And I was sitting down, too – sitting on the chair, looking at the ground.

WW: Comedy is cutthroat – it’s hard to get people to pay attention and make people laugh while being up there, running the show.

CM: It’s a comfort zone that you have to achieve, that’s something internal, with you, as far as you being up on stage and not allowing the audience to do anything but pay attention to you.

WW: Is that something you already had?

CM: Of course I had that, that’s part of the education. That’s called stage general-ship. That’s a part of the craft. If you see a guy up there and the show unravels – that’s not because of the audience, that’s because of him. You got to have your shit together. Your game is weak. You got to go up there, and you are in control. From time to time there are going to be little skirmishes here and there, it’s your job – that’s where emcee skills come in – you got to put them little fires out. Because guess what – they’re not going to tell you, ‘five minutes into your set this person is going to say XYZ, and then you’re going to say…’ No, you don’t get that luxury. It just happens and you better be smart right there on the spot. That’s part of emcee skills, and it comes from constantly being on the stage. Like a boxer – the best fighter’s a gym rat – they stay in the gym. They don’t get out of shape between fights.  Bernard Hopkins has been around this long because Bernard Hopkins lives the lifestyle. He’s committed to being a warrior, a gladiator of the ring. ‘I live a gladiator’s life -  I eat like a gladiator, a go to sleep when I supposed to go to sleep, I wake up when I supposed to wake up, I train diligently, I don’t deviate, I don’t let you come into my life and bring your problems and make me change my focus – I stay focussed.’ And that’s why he’s around this long. And it’s the same way I approach comedy. I don’t wait until the next show to go, “let me go try some jokes out – let me try to write a new joke.” Every show is about money. Every show is about being good. That’s the focus, you see?

WW: So you hit the ground running?

CM: Oh, yeah, I hit the ground running. I went for two years, and that period of two years was right after the Chappelle Show went off the air, and that’s when – I’d say – my name was at its hottest. So I was able to get away with a lot of things that I wouldn’t be able to get away with now. Like, just killing five minutes, standing there.   Relying on callbacks from the show – that would never work now. Back then, I was milking it. Now, any reference to any of that has to be quick, you know. In and out – bam! – and we on to something else. We’re not exploring that; we’re not trying to develop that. We’re on to other stuff.

WW: It seems like less focussed, less driven people would fall back on that old stuff.

CM: Don’t call them less focussed or less driven – let’s just call them what they really are – frauds.

WW: No doubt. So what are you covering when you’re coming to Portland? What’s some stuff you’re going to be hitting on?

CM: Reality, man. That’s the best medicine. My shows – I’m an observationist, I watch people, I watch current events. I watch the climate of the environment I am in, you know, like what is the mood of the people right now, and why is it that way. And why do I feel the way I feel today, and what is my relationship with other people. And I glean my comedy from that.
What’s going on in the world – like today, I’m sitting here watching this… circus… like CNN – I used to have a lot of respect for them – I used to think of them as… it’s the other networks, too… as a step above tabloids, like this the legitimate news -  but this Tiger Woods thing, in my view, put them in the same category as the Enquirer because of the way that they covered it. The fact the Tiger Woods has to do a 15-minute mea culpa… on CNN… for committing adultery… ok. Tiger Woods has been around for the last 12, 15 years playing golf in front of all of America and when have you ever – he’s the number one golfer in the world; he’s the reason why people watch golf; he’s the reason why they got the golf channel on television – and with all that, have you ever seen Tiger Woods talk for 15 minutes about anything? No!

WW: [laughing] No.

CM: NO.

WW: Why is it that people are so into tearing down anyone who gets big, anyone who gets –

CM: And when he kept saying that ‘I apologize to anyone that I hurt,’ I’m like, look man – outside of your wife, you don’t owe anyone an apology.

WW: That’s a good point.

CM: Outside of your wife, you don’t owe nobody children no apology, you don’t owe nobody parents no apology, you don’t owe no old ladies out in the midwest who changed they church schedule so they can watch – you don’t owe them an apology. Okay? They’re not your wife, they’re not your family, they’re people watching a program, and that’s what’s been – people start getting it twisted, like, “oh, of course you’re real good at something, you owe me something”? No, you don’t owe me anything! I’m blessed to be here to watch you do what you do at the level that you do it. You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to behave in a certain way that to my… uh…. you know what I’m saying? That’s bullshit, man! [funny voice] “Well, how do you think people feel about brah-parappa-pa.” And you know what? People that’re really having feelings about that – wake up. There’s much more important things to have feelings about than how you feel about Tiger Woods fuckin’, y’know, having sex with some women. You ain’t his wife, you don’t know him, and what you know about him is that he can play golf. Has nothing to do with sex.

WW: Exactly. They love jumping on that kind of thing because it’s flashy, but it’s not – it doesn’t have substance. You know, -

CM: Well, why is it flashy? I mean, everybody’s talking – just finished having sex themselves. You know?

WW: Yeah.

CM: So why is that flashy? I never got that. Why is that fla- [funny voice] “Well, so-and-so had sex.” Yeah, and what about you, my friend?

WW: Well, I honestly think that –

CM: You know what I’m saying? Didn’t you just finish having sex yesterday or this morning or whatever, but now you’re talking about so-and-so having sex, and it’s a big deal, [funny voice] ‘we’re all shocked that they had sex,’ and we’re supposed to be real shocked. You know what shocks me? When I walk outside and I see a giraffe drive by, driving a bus – that’s when I’ll be shocked. Cause that’s something that’s not supposed to happen.

WW: [laughing] Right, right.

CM: You know, I see a giraffe driving by, or you know, a chimp walks up to me and starts talking – then I’ll be shocked. Shamu out of the water, and he’s just chillin’ at the bar – I’ll be shocked. Anything with people – come on, man.

WW: Well, the big news up here in Portland right now is Jesse Jackson came to town to help shine some light on our raggedy police force. They shot another black man up here, and it just keeps going like this – the police shoot somebody, and they wash their hands of it.

CM: And now Jesse’s in it?

WW: Yeah Jesse Jackson came up to, you know, bring some fire, and it seems like it’s actually working, it seems like the police force up here is starting to get a little scared, they shaking a little bit, and they’re starting to re-think this whole old-boys network that they got going on. It’s real wild right now.

CM: Didn’t they just have a thing on where a guy killed three cops and they had to hunt him down? That was in Portland, right?

WW: Nah, that was in Seattle. Up in Washington.

CM: Okay, I’m sorry.

WW: That’s alright. Yeah, but here what happened was some guy who was really distraught about his younger brother dying and he was acting kind of wild, and the police came out and shot him in the back. Some real wild stuff. Have you heard about that one at all? Maybe it’s not making it that far out of Portland.

CM: I’m sure we will hear about it, you know, eventually. but that’s something that… I was watching the Rodney King – in some kind of way the Rodney King incident was on television the other day, and I have a 10-year-old son. So I made him watch it. What they did to Rondey King – I made him watch that, and I said, “I want you to understand something. Rodney King is on record for being the black man that got the worst butt-kicking in the history of police brutality. But don’t think that Rodney King is the only black man that got beat like that.”

WW: That’s real.

CM: “He’s the only one that got caught on camera!” Okay? “There was dudes who got beat like that who was dead when they finished.”

WW: Right?

CM: And you never heard the story.

WW: It’s some real scary shit.

CM: Yeah, so when you’re going out there and dealing with these police, don’t put yourself in a position to get hurt worse by being belligerent, by being resistant – you know, any of that, because when they roll up on you, you at a disadvantage. They have a badge, they have due authority, and when they roll up to you, they presumably in the right already. It’s the same thing as when you’re being robbed. I tell my kids – if somebody pulls a gun out and says, ‘give me your stuff,’ give it to ‘em! Don’t say, ‘I’m not giving it back.’ You know why? ‘Cause obviously if I’m bold enough to pull a gun out and try to tell you to give me your stuff, I must have the jump on you. I must have the upper hand in the situation. So, why you going to resist? You don’t resist when somebody has the upper hand in a situation. You resist when you can win. And you in a no-win scenario, so you give it up. Deal with it another time, you know?

WW: Right, right – that’s good advice. How is your son taking that kind of stuff?

CM: Well, we had to grow up and get tested, you know? It’s one thing to tell somebody something, but there’s going to be a moment when that information gets tested. I hope it’s sinking in.

WW: You’re welcome to pass on this one if you’re not feeling about it, but, you know, I hate to say it, but the last time I heard about you recently was I had heard about your wife’s passing.

CM: Yeah, my wife passed December 13, 2009, bro.

WW: So how’s…I can imagine maybe diving into your work has been helping with that?

CM: That is helping with that, but it’s a double-edged sword. You know, diving into your work helps you with that, but I have kids, okay? So I can’t just walk away and be in denial about the fact that my wife’s not here, because my daughter looks just like her. And my daughter brings her name up every day, and asks me questions about her every day. So right now it’s a real strange dynamic in my life, but one of the things I’m getting from it is this: your kids only got you now, so there – there is no room for you to be weak, right now. I’m a human being, I’m going to make mistakes, I’m going to be weak. But right now you got to be on top of your game, man. You got to be there for your kids. You got to be there for yourself. You got to be there period. Right now you can’t mess up, ’cause they don’t have nobody but you, you know what I’m saying? So that’s inspiring me to go even harder with my comedy because, it’s like, [tough-guy voice] ‘yo, man – this is what you’re feeding them with? these jokes? You better go and get a gang of jokes, bro! You better go into joke central!’ So that’s why we’ve been feverishly writing, me and Freeze Love been writing new stuff every day, taking it that night – trying to work it on-stage, try to incorporate it into the show.

WW: That’s great.

CM: That’s why right now – my DVD just came out two days ago – I’ve reconstructed my new hour – so if you came to my show right now – the difference between my show now and my DVD is I probably seem more relaxed now. But it’s because I’m trying to remember all the new stuff. The pace is different. I’m more laid back, because in the back of my mind I’m going, ‘what’s that other one, how am I going to throw that in?’ where before, I knew where I was going the whole hour. So I was sharpness – BLAU! BLAU! Now, I’m a little more laid back, but it’s a lot of fun, man.

CM: What’s poppin’?

WW: You know, lovin’ it – sun’s out. It’s very odd out here in Portland to have some sun in the middle of February.

CM: Especially when I’m in San Jose, California, and it’s overcast. That’s what it’s like in San Jose right now, and you guys get sunshine. Wow.

WW: Really?

CM: Yeah, man. It looks like I’m in Portland!

WW: You doing one of those five-day deals down there?

CM: Five-day deals, what’s that?

WW: I looked at your tour schedule, and it seemed like in a lot of places you were doing five nights in a row.

CM: Oh, I did a school the other night – the Northern University of California – and the next one is the San Jose Improv on Sunday. [check this? who cares?]

WW: How’s the tour been going?

CM: I don’t call it a tour, man. It’s work. You know when you can call it a tour? When you can make enough money in three months to not work the rest of the year. That’s a tour.

WW: So you’re clocking in.

CM: You know, Chris Rock and those guys, they go out and in six weeks they make so much money they don’t have to go back out. And they do other things, they switch off. A movie, or a TV show, or writing or producing, you know, they go into another realm. I’m trying to get my thing to that point where I can do that. [Right now] I have to do it all at the same time.

WW: The main point of this time out is to promote the new book and DVD, right?

CM: Exactly.

WW: Can you tell me what that’s called again?

CM: The DVD is called Charlie Murphy: I Will Not Apologize. I shot that in June, up in Boston. In fact, that’s my first comedy DVD, and I’m real proud of it. It was very well put together, very well written and very well executed, so it’s a good introduction for a lot of people who may have heard about Charlie Murphy doing stand-up, but never had a chance to see me do it. ‘Cause I didn’t have the vehicle of Def Comedy Jam or whatever, those things that guys do to get seen doing stand-up. I never went on Letterman, Leno, you know? So you’d hear that Charlie Murphy does stand-up, but you wouldn’t get a chance to see him do it.
Now that I got the DVD out, you can just go to Wal-Mart, pick a copy up, and see me do stand-up! It’s that simple now. So that’s a milestone in my career, as far as I’m concerned.

WW: It seems like you’re working it backwards, because other guys come up from the bottom, and you’re stepping down–

CM: Exactly, that’s exactly what happened. I started with the movies and then the TV and then the stand-up, when most guys do the stand-up and then the TV and then the movies. But with me it was this: I already was in the movies, and that was one of the things that I thought was missing from my resume. You know, I’m here, “I think I deserve the same amount as this guy,” and they’ll go, “This guy’s a bigger star than you ’cause he does this and he does that,” so now you can’t say that to me no more. You can’t say “he deserves more than you because he’s an actor and a writer and a producer,” well I’m all of that – and a stand-up comedian – I’m all of that, too, what!

WW: Dynamic.

CM: Exactly, it was a thing where, to get respect, this is what you got to do – you got to cover all the bases, and be effective in all of them. So I was glad I was able to take on the challenge and come out on top the way I have. I’m very proud of myself, and I’m very humbled by it.

WW: So, getting started in stand-up – how did that come about? Naturally, I would assume that came out of your experience on the Chappelle Show, but was there more to it than that?

CM: No, that’s exactly what it was. Before the Chappelle Show there was no opportunity. There would have been too much speculation, too much comparisons being made. Before Chappelle Show I was never featured in anything that the result was that I was perceived overwhelmingly that I was a funny guy, to the masses. Every movie I was in before that, I was the tough guy, the mean guy. Even if the movie was a comedy, someone else was supposed to be providing the laughs and then there was me, who was supposed to be providing the moment of suspense, the tension moment, you know? The mean guy shows up, starts beating guys up, whatever. And no one would ever think for a second, “maybe this guy could be funny,” because when I came into show business, I knew who my brother was, what his strength was, and what he was known for, and the biggest thing with me was, if you are going to get involved in this, you don’t want to be in a competition or to be compared to him. So, the way to do that is to – what does he not do? That’s what you want to become the best at. That way there’s no way they can go [funny voice] “oh, he came in, rode on so-and-so’s coattails and blah blah-blah,” you know? “He’s A and you’re B.” No, no, no, it’s not. Exact total opposites. Okay? So that’s the reason it ended up being backwards for me, as far as, oh, now you’re doing stand-up.

WW: You had to break out from that and establish yourself as your own man.

CM: Right.

WW: So coming out of that experience – breaking out from the Chappelle Show, and establishing Charlie Murphy as a dynamic player, how did that effect your relationship with, say, Dave or with your brother or with any other people that you were close with at the time when you were making that change?

CM: How did that effect my relationship with those guys? In a positive way, you know? They have to embrace me as one of their peers, and it’s because of my hard work. I could have easily been a dude who’s related to somebody famous who went on stage and tried to do stand-up, and he was cute, and that’s as far as it went. “He went up and did five minutes, wasn’t that cute.” Or – “He’s really serious about it, but couldn’t do it. Made a fool of himself and embarrassed his brother’s legacy,” or what have you. None of those are true in my case. And it’s because, like I said, I didn’t go into it like, “you know what, this is what you did to get a little laugh, so I’ll come out with jokes similar to yours, and act like you acted-” no, I’m not, ’cause that’s fake, that’s not you. I didn’t allow myself to do that, and the way you not even begin to allow yourself to do that is to have something to give in the first place.  There’s always somebody who – in my opinion, at the end of the day – doesn’t really have nothing of their own to serve up. That is even willing to serve up somebody else’s soup. You got a lot of pretenders and copycats out there, and what they are doing in essence is serving up somebody else’s soup. And that can’t feel good. I don’t care how hard the crowd laughs, that can’t feel good to you, because you know that at the end of the day, you stealing.

WW: Tell me about your first experiences going out there on stage. That must have been pretty tough at first, huh?

CM: Oh, it was! I wasn’t even looking at the audience, I was looking at the floor. And I was sitting down, too – sitting on the chair, looking at the ground.

WW: Comedy is cutthroat – it’s hard to get people to pay attention and make people laugh while being up there, running the show.

CM: It’s a comfort zone that you have to achieve, that’s something internal, with you, as far as you being up on stage and not allowing the audience to do anything but pay attention to you.

WW: Is that something you already had?

CM: Of course I had that, that’s part of the education. That’s called stage general-ship. That’s a part of the craft. If you see a guy up there and the show unravels – that’s not because of the audience, that’s because of him. You got to have your shit together. Your game is weak. You got to go up there, and you are in control. From time to time there are going to be little skirmishes here and there, it’s your job – that’s where emcee skills come in – you got to put them little fires out. Because guess what – they’re not going to tell you, ‘five minutes into your set this person is going to say XYZ, and then you’re going to say…’ No, you don’t get that luxury. It just happens and you better be smart right there on the spot. That’s part of emcee skills, and it comes from constantly being on the stage. Like a boxer – the best fighter’s a gym rat – they stay in the gym. They don’t get out of shape between fights.  Bernard Hopkins has been around this long because Bernard Hopkins lives the lifestyle. He’s committed to being a warrior, a gladiator of the ring. ‘I live a gladiator’s life -  I eat like a gladiator, a go to sleep when I supposed to go to sleep, I wake up when I supposed to wake up, I train diligently, I don’t deviate, I don’t let you come into my life and bring your problems and make me change my focus – I stay focussed.’ And that’s why he’s around this long. And it’s the same way I approach comedy. I don’t wait until the next show to go, “let me go try some jokes out – let me try to write a new joke.” Every show is about money. Every show is about being good. That’s the focus, you see?

WW: So you hit the ground running?

CM: Oh, yeah, I hit the ground running. I went for two years, and that period of two years was right after the Chappelle Show went off the air, and that’s when – I’d say – my name was at its hottest. So I was able to get away with a lot of things that I wouldn’t be able to get away with now. Like, just killing five minutes, standing there.   Relying on callbacks from the show – that would never work now. Back then, I was milking it. Now, any reference to any of that has to be quick, you know. In and out – bam! – and we on to something else. We’re not exploring that; we’re not trying to develop that. We’re on to other stuff.

WW: It seems like less focussed, less driven people would fall back on that old stuff.

CM: Don’t call them less focussed or less driven – let’s just call them what they really are – frauds.

WW: No doubt. So what are you covering when you’re coming to Portland? What’s some stuff you’re going to be hitting on?

CM: Reality, man. That’s the best medicine. My shows – I’m an observationist, I watch people, I watch current events. I watch the climate of the environment I am in, you know, like what is the mood of the people right now, and why is it that way. And why do I feel the way I feel today, and what is my relationship with other people. And I glean my comedy from that.
What’s going on in the world – like today, I’m sitting here watching this… circus… like CNN – I used to have a lot of respect for them – I used to think of them as… it’s the other networks, too… as a step above tabloids, like this the legitimate news -  but this Tiger Woods thing, in my view, put them in the same category as the Enquirer because of the way that they covered it. The fact the Tiger Woods has to do a 15-minute mea culpa… on CNN… for committing adultery… ok. Tiger Woods has been around for the last 12, 15 years playing golf in front of all of America and when have you ever – he’s the number one golfer in the world; he’s the reason why people watch golf; he’s the reason why they got the golf channel on television – and with all that, have you ever seen Tiger Woods talk for 15 minutes about anything? No!

WW: [laughing] No.

CM: NO.

WW: Why is it that people are so into tearing down anyone who gets big, anyone who gets –

CM: And when he kept saying that ‘I apologize to anyone that I hurt,’ I’m like, look man – outside of your wife, you don’t owe anyone an apology.

WW: That’s a good point.

CM: Outside of your wife, you don’t owe nobody children no apology, you don’t owe nobody parents no apology, you don’t owe no old ladies out in the midwest who changed they church schedule so they can watch – you don’t owe them an apology. Okay? They’re not your wife, they’re not your family, they’re people watching a program, and that’s what’s been – people start getting it twisted, like, “oh, of course you’re real good at something, you owe me something”? No, you don’t owe me anything! I’m blessed to be here to watch you do what you do at the level that you do it. You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to behave in a certain way that to my… uh…. you know what I’m saying? That’s bullshit, man! [funny voice] “Well, how do you think people feel about brah-parappa-pa.” And you know what? People that’re really having feelings about that – wake up. There’s much more important things to have feelings about than how you feel about Tiger Woods fuckin’, y’know, having sex with some women. You ain’t his wife, you don’t know him, and what you know about him is that he can play golf. Has nothing to do with sex.

WW: Exactly. They love jumping on that kind of thing because it’s flashy, but it’s not – it doesn’t have substance. You know, -

CM: Well, why is it flashy? I mean, everybody’s talking – just finished having sex themselves. You know?

WW: Yeah.

CM: So why is that flashy? I never got that. Why is that fla- [funny voice] “Well, so-and-so had sex.” Yeah, and what about you, my friend?

WW: Well, I honestly think that –

CM: You know what I’m saying? Didn’t you just finish having sex yesterday or this morning or whatever, but now you’re talking about so-and-so having sex, and it’s a big deal, [funny voice] ‘we’re all shocked that they had sex,’ and we’re supposed to be real shocked. You know what shocks me? When I walk outside and I see a giraffe drive by, driving a bus – that’s when I’ll be shocked. Cause that’s something that’s not supposed to happen.

WW: [laughing] Right, right.

CM: You know, I see a giraffe driving by, or you know, a chimp walks up to me and starts talking – then I’ll be shocked. Shamu out of the water, and he’s just chillin’ at the bar – I’ll be shocked. Anything with people – come on, man.

WW: Well, the big news up here in Portland right now is Jesse Jackson came to town to help shine some light on our raggedy police force. They shot another black man up here, and it just keeps going like this – the police shoot somebody, and they wash their hands of it.

CM: And now Jesse’s in it?

WW: Yeah Jesse Jackson came up to, you know, bring some fire, and it seems like it’s actually working, it seems like the police force up here is starting to get a little scared, they shaking a little bit, and they’re starting to re-think this whole old-boys network that they got going on. It’s real wild right now.

CM: Didn’t they just have a thing on where a guy killed three cops and they had to hunt him down? That was in Portland, right?

WW: Nah, that was in Seattle. Up in Washington.

CM: Okay, I’m sorry.

WW: That’s alright. Yeah, but here what happened was some guy who was really distraught about his younger brother dying and he was acting kind of wild, and the police came out and shot him in the back. Some real wild stuff. Have you heard about that one at all? Maybe it’s not making it that far out of Portland.

CM: I’m sure we will hear about it, you know, eventually. but that’s something that… I was watching the Rodney King – in some kind of way the Rodney King incident was on television the other day, and I have a 10-year-old son. So I made him watch it. What they did to Rondey King – I made him watch that, and I said, “I want you to understand something. Rodney King is on record for being the black man that got the worst butt-kicking in the history of police brutality. But don’t think that Rodney King is the only black man that got beat like that.”

WW: That’s real.

CM: “He’s the only one that got caught on camera!” Okay? “There was dudes who got beat like that who was dead when they finished.”

WW: Right?

CM: And you never heard the story.

WW: It’s some real scary shit.

CM: Yeah, so when you’re going out there and dealing with these police, don’t put yourself in a position to get hurt worse by being belligerent, by being resistant – you know, any of that, because when they roll up on you, you at a disadvantage. They have a badge, they have due authority, and when they roll up to you, they presumably in the right already. It’s the same thing as when you’re being robbed. I tell my kids – if somebody pulls a gun out and says, ‘give me your stuff,’ give it to ‘em! Don’t say, ‘I’m not giving it back.’ You know why? ‘Cause obviously if I’m bold enough to pull a gun out and try to tell you to give me your stuff, I must have the jump on you. I must have the upper hand in the situation. So, why you going to resist? You don’t resist when somebody has the upper hand in a situation. You resist when you can win. And you in a no-win scenario, so you give it up. Deal with it another time, you know?

WW: Right, right – that’s good advice. How is your son taking that kind of stuff?

CM: Well, we had to grow up and get tested, you know? It’s one thing to tell somebody something, but there’s going to be a moment when that information gets tested. I hope it’s sinking in.

WW: You’re welcome to pass on this one if you’re not feeling about it, but, you know, I hate to say it, but the last time I heard about you recently was I had heard about your wife’s passing.

CM: Yeah, my wife passed December 13, 2009, bro.

WW: So how’s…I can imagine maybe diving into your work has been helping with that?

CM: That is helping with that, but it’s a double-edged sword. You know, diving into your work helps you with that, but I have kids, okay? So I can’t just walk away and be in denial about the fact that my wife’s not here, because my daughter looks just like her. And my daughter brings her name up every day, and asks me questions about her every day. So right now it’s a real strange dynamic in my life, but one of the things I’m getting from it is this: your kids only got you now, so there – there is no room for you to be weak, right now. I’m a human being, I’m going to make mistakes, I’m going to be weak. But right now you got to be on top of your game, man. You got to be there for your kids. You got to be there for yourself. You got to be there period. Right now you can’t mess up, ’cause they don’t have nobody but you, you know what I’m saying? So that’s inspiring me to go even harder with my comedy because, it’s like, [tough-guy voice] ‘yo, man – this is what you’re feeding them with? these jokes? You better go and get a gang of jokes, bro! You better go into joke central!’ So that’s why we’ve been feverishly writing, me and Freeze Love been writing new stuff every day, taking it that night – trying to work it on-stage, try to incorporate it into the show.

WW: That’s great.

CM: That’s why right now – my DVD just came out two days ago – I’ve reconstructed my new hour – so if you came to my show right now – the difference between my show now and my DVD is I probably seem more relaxed now. But it’s because I’m trying to remember all the new stuff. The pace is different. I’m more laid back, because in the back of my mind I’m going, ‘what’s that other one, how am I going to throw that in?’ where before, I knew where I was going the whole hour. So I was sharpness – BLAU! BLAU! Now, I’m a little more laid back, but it’s a lot of fun, man

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03.09.10

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